New Quiz: Do You Forgive and Forget?

woman resting happily on bicycle

Do you believe in forgiveness? How easily do you forgive?

Are you big on forgiveness? I know that a lot of religions and belief systems place a huge importance on forgiveness, but I think it’s more interesting to look at forgiveness from a psychological point of view. There have been studies that show that forgiveness is good for us – it makes us healthier and happier. However, there are also some people that think unconditional forgiveness can perpetuate authoritarianism and abuse. So is forgiveness not all it seems?

I’m not sure how I feel about forgiveness completely, but I generally think it’s good to let go of what others have done to you – even if that isn’t technically forgiving them. I assume that most of the positive psychology studies about forgiveness are focusing on the “shelving” of the past and wrongdoings. As far as forgiveness perpetuating an unhealthy dynamic, I suppose that depends on whether you are changing boundaries and relationships before you forgive… or just forgiving blindly.

Anyway, I thought this would be an interesting topic for a quiz, and maybe even a discussion about what the concept of forgiveness means to all of us. I’m still figuring it out myself, but I do think there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting… and forgiving and not forgetting! How about you? Do You Forgive and Forget? Let me know what you get on this quiz and think of this topic.

Discussion topics (Comment below and let me know any or all of these):

  1. What do you get on Do You Forgive and Forget? Is it true for you?
  2. How do you feel about forgiving others? Are you quick or reluctant to do so?
  3. Do you agree that there are downsides to forgiveness? Or do you think that people who claim this misunderstand what forgiveness is?
  4. Take Do You Hold a Grudge? What do you think of your result?

What do you think?

15 thoughts on “New Quiz: Do You Forgive and Forget?

  1. Alyssa

    You Forgive and Forget

    Life’s too hard to hold grudges, so you try to get over being wronged as quickly as you can.
    Those around you may or may not deserve your forgiveness, but you deserve the peace of letting go.

    Of course, if someone wrongs you enough, you may not allow that person in your life any longer. But you will still try to forgive.
    For you, forgiving is about moving on and wiping the slate clean… not about letting someone hurt you over and over again.

    In general, you wish we lived in a more compassionate and merciful world. You do believe that most people can change.
    Some may consider forgiveness a sign of weakness, but you know that it is often the strongest move you can make.
    It is true, but sometimes I don’t forget! You can’t help it! No matter what, you will still remember at least SOME of what happened, positively or negatively! It really just depends on the person, I guess. And sometimes it is really hard, but there are stuff you need to hold on to because you can’t forgive, but you can use it to become a stronger person.

    Reply
    1. kari Post author

      I do agree that it’s basically impossible to forget, except for the littlest things. I also like what you had to say about using what you still hold on to in order to be a stronger person 🙂

      Reply
  2. maureenmojen

    1. You Forgive but do not Forget. Tis true!

    2. I rely on my intuition: If I sense that is a person is sincere I will forgive them. I may put up some emotional barriers until I’ve seen that they’ve really committed to change (if change was needed), but I understand that it can be hard to change and my forgiveness is not (necessarily) contingent on them doing so. Sadly, It is my experience that admitting wrongdoing and seeking forgiveness is rare, so when people have gone out of their way to make amends I appreciate it, even respect them for it.

    3. I think, sometimes, a refusal to forgive is a sign of healthy self-worth. For example, if someone was raped, who am I to tell them to forgive their rapist? Forgiving too readily can also remove the impetus some people may need to change. They will continue, child-like, to engage in behavior that hurts others. If a person wants forgiveness, I think there ought to be sincerity and an intention to not repeat the harmful act. That said, I do think it is good to forgive in most cases, if only so negative feelings do not weigh you down.

    4. You sometimes hold a grudge. I guess it is true, but cases are rare. I can think of only one person who I hold a grudge against that didn’t commit a heinous crime, and that is because she mistreated me for years with no sign of remorse. I have a bit of a hot temper but my anger rarely lasts long. Even if I don’t actually forgive a person (because they never asked for it), I have little interest in wasting my energy on a grudge.

    Reply
    1. kari Post author

      I really like your analysis here! I agree that someone asking for forgiveness is so rare in our world that I pretty much automatically respect someone more for doing so. I hadn’t thought much about it, but it’s very true 🙂

      Reply
  3. Rachel R. (@REReader)

    1 & 2. I got “You Forgive and Forget”, but I really think it’s more I drop it and move on, really. (If I just wait, it will be such a long time ago, and who wants to carry around heavy luggage? But I only really forgive if they apologize and don’t do whatever it was any more. :))

    3. Yes, if you forgive someone–don’t consider their actions in your future interactions–who hasn’t apologized, who isn’t sorry, and who is going to do it again, you’re being foolish. Who was it that said that insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results?

    4.I got “You Don’t Hold a Grudge”–and true, I think!

    Reply
    1. kari Post author

      I agree with wanting a true apology and change! When I was a troublesome teenager, my mom used to say “Don’t say you’re sorry – just change!” It used to drive me crazy, but she was right 🙂

      Reply
  4. Heather Moritz

    1. You Forgive and Forget. Yes, very true. I’m a very forgiving person haha
    2. It’s important..staying mad for a long time is dumb and not healthy. I’m usually quick, unless I’m super upset
    3. I think so..like forgiving abusers only for them to keep getting abused
    4. You Sometimes Hold a Grudge. I suppose I can, if I really got upset..

    Reply
    1. kari Post author

      I agree that staying mad is not healthy! Anytime I’ve been super mad at someone, I get sick afterwards. It definitely lowers my immune system.

      Reply
  5. kari Post author

    What do you get on Do You Forgive and Forget? Is it true for you?

    I forgive but don’t forget. For better or worse, I have a long memory.

    How do you feel about forgiving others? Are you quick or reluctant to do so?

    I have trouble doing it, but I try to move on. As noted above, I don’t forget much – and if people tend to repeat certain behaviors, it can become an issue 🙂

    Do you agree that there are downsides to forgiveness? Or do you think that people who claim this misunderstand what forgiveness is?

    Yes, I think sometimes people who are too taken advantage of use “forgiveness” as an excuse for continuing to tolerate bad behavior.

    Take Do You Hold a Grudge? What do you think of your result?

    No – and I generally don’t. Although if someone behaves badly enough, I limit his or her role in my life 🙂

    Reply
    1. Rachel R. (@REReader)

      I think sometimes people who are too taken advantage of use “forgiveness” as an excuse for continuing to tolerate bad behavior.

      Very true!

      Reply
  6. Melissa Russell

    1. Forgive and Forget. Life’s too hard to hold grudges.
    (I give the benefit of doubt and always choose to work on myself instead of others but if a person is too inconsiderate of me, I certainly don’t seek their company. Why would I?)
    Some may consider forgiveness a sign of weakness, but you know that it is often the strongest move you can make.
    2. I move on quickly I think.
    3. Forgiveness is more about freeing yourself rather than a gift to someone who doesn’t deserve it. I don’t see a downside to my being free of stress and hate.
    4. Don’t. (If anything, I might feel a little sorry for myself if people treat me badly but getting angry and staying angry is a different thing.)

    Reply
    1. kari Post author

      I think we have a similar take on this, although I wish I could be more forgiving. If someone behaves inconsiderately, I tend to move on from that person if possible – just makes life a lot easier 😉

      Reply
  7. Josh

    1. You Forgive But Do Not Forget
    2. It’s good, usually. I’m usually reluctant to forgive (especially with teens and more so adults) but I try to let it go (it used to be easier)
    3.Being too forgiving can give bad people a free pass. Those who claim to be forgiving are not to be taken seriously being claiming it doesn’t make it true
    4. You Sometimes Hold a Grudge

    Reply